Why Do We Always Fight?

I have many of my clients who tell me they're always arguing with their partner... They are usually surprised that there are only a few key reasons why this happens. I can trace every incident back to one of these:

• Trying to Fix Someone - many arguments (like the whole toilet seat thing which I will never understand) usually comes from being attached to someone being a certain way... When they don't live up to your expectation, you feel the need to make them be something that you like. Learn to accept people for how they naturally are. It's ok to make suggestions, or point things out that can make them a better person. However, it is not up to us to force that  to happen. The less pressure we give them, the more likely they'll be able to see things for how they are. 


• Turning OUR issues into THEIR issues - We are all mirrors for each other. Sometimes what we see in others is something that we dislike in ourselves. Take a look at what that item is, and see what your true relationship is to that problem. You might just see that the problem is yours, not theirs... Only then, can you find your own solutions to solve things.


• Expectations - No one is perfect. We cannot expect anyone to always be great, happy, perky, and wonderful all the time! All we can do is give  them the space to be authentically who they are, support them, be there for them, and show them love and kindness... The same things we need to always show ourself too! 


• Forgetting What's REALLY Important - is it SO important that we always be right? Is forgetting to do the dishes SO meaningful and significant to our self growth that we are willing spend valuable energy arguing over it for hours? Life is too short to always be fighting small, trivial battles, isn't it?
 

When you feel yourself about to get into an argument - check yourself first! Step back, breathe and ask yourself "Is putting my valuable energy into this worth it?" Or would you rather spend the same amount of energy seeing the good in your partner, or yourself?

With many poor examples of healthy relationships available in the media for what a true, amazing, vibrant one looks like, remember that it is not the only reality. My reality is one where authentic, loving, accepting relationships exist... So that seems to be what I get. I write of that which I see, have, and cultivate myself.

What are you going to choose?

Capsule #1 : How do I let go of perfection?

Let me give you a brief intro for how the "Capsules" work: I will give them a title for a most recent coaching question of mine. In 300 words or less, I will give a tip that will help alleviate, eliminate, or improve the situation that you may be dealing with. As time goes on, I'll get other coach friends of mine to also chime in, so that you can see some quick snippets from other trusted leaders, and choose the one that speaks most to your soul.

Now on to this particular capsule:


Q: How do I let go of perfection?

A: Perfection kills the soul, productivity, creativity, and your ability to be you. Do your best to master your own integrity, and ability to stay true to your word.

In that process, you'll always do your best, choose your words and promises carefully, learn to say no when you need to, and also appreciate a job well done.

Grant yourself kindness when you fail... To ultimately win, you have to fail sometimes anyway :).